This Is What Self-Love Really Means, Because Its So Much More Than Putting Yourself First

John Canelis

Self-love is not about vanity or narcissistic egotism or unwarranted pride.

It is not about feeling good about yourself by feeling better than other people. It’s not about purchasing stylish clothing tags in the mall or treating yourself to an expensive dinner. It’s not about flaunting your own life on Instagram and measuring your worth by the number of likes and followers. It’s not about being qualified and taking your privileges and blessings for granted. It’s not about valuing your time as a precious commodity, and faking to be there to get a loved one in need. It is not about being so obsessed with your own problems, that you forget what it actually means to be a sort, good-hearted, and empathetic human being.

No, self explanatory is not one of these things.

Too many people mistake self-love for selfishness and putting themselves above whatever else. They mistake it to be self-absorbed and allowing the requirements of a consumerist society take over what’s essential in life.

Actual self-improvement is much, much deeper and more profound than surface-level stuff. It’s about creating a core set of values, an unshakeable foundation, a deep, deep familiarity that can come only from knowing yourself.

It’s about knowing that you are a lovable, valuable, and worthy individual no matter who you are, provided that you are a good individual.

It’s about not defining yourself by the yardsticks of somebody else’s ideal. You don’t even have to cut your hair short or grow it long, or become a dimension or construct some muscles and guy up, or paint on your eyebrows if you don’t want to. You don’t even have to study a topic in case you can’t even endure it or perform a job that you hate. If you truly love yourself, you don’t even have to become somebody you’re not just so that you can be accepted, liked, and loved.

Self-love is about not allowing your past define you, and about never giving up on yourself.

It doesn’Regardless of if you come from a dysfunctional home or had a privileged childhood, it doesn’t matter where you came from. It’s about personal growth and self explanatory, and infusing your tired bones with hope as you work towards getting your best possible version. It’s about not allowing negative, harmful, and toxic people take up space in your own life. It’s about rewiring your brain to see light instead of darkness, to have religion instead of despair, to be grateful for everything rather than always whine

It’s about eating healthy, thinking healthy, and feeling healthy.

Self-love is about being the master of your feelings by retraining the part of your mind that restricts you and lies to you. It’s about drowning out the voices that are fearful that give into your irrational anxieties. It’s about feeding yourself a regular diet of self-acceptance and unconditional love so that it is possible to grow towards satisfying your potential and get in touch with who you’re.

Self-love starts slow.

You start by falling in love with your broken pieces rather than rejecting them or hiding them. You start by appreciating the beauty in the fragmented chaos, by finding meaning in the scars, by growing and learning from every autumn, by carefully picking up yourself again and again and again living, living, living through it all. If you believe in yourself and shine bright, you become a beacon of hope for not just yourself but others around you as well. You become a lighthouse of ascertained calmness and pleasure as you publicly adopt both desirable and undesirable circumstances, and succeed not simply despite them but because of them.

With the right sort of self-love, you gradually but surely become your individual and become indestructible.


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