Our Baby Name Predictions For Kim, Khlo, Kylie And Kourtney

You men, it pains me to say this, however it’s starting to look like all of the Kardashians are really pregnant. AT THE SAME TIME. *takes slow, calming breaths* I’m not certain the way Kris did it, but she managed to sabotage all of her children’s birth control in one fell swoop. You understand, except with Rob. Kris is tough, not entirely reckless. Within the past few weeks it’s been speculated that besides Kim’s supported pregnancy, Kylie, Khloé, and now potentially Kourtney are all also pregnant. That means we might have FOUR new Kardashians in 2018. Lol, and just when we thought 2018 was likely to be our year. The inside of my mind is starting to resemble a   offense board with how quickly I’m trying to Maintain Up and join the dots, but in each one of the carefully constructed PR stunts chaos, I’ve somehow managed to still discover the time to theorize about Kardashian baby names. It’s all about the way you waste your time multitask these days, you understand? Not to brag, but I’ve been Keeping Up since season among rsquo ;d & I with these hoes state I’ve a pretty good idea about what goes on within the mind of a Kardashian. *adds “find Improved hobbies” to to-do list* So here are my Kardashian baby name forecasts based off my extensive knowledge of this inner-workings of this batshit family:


GIRL: Second
BOY: Savior

Let’s start seeing as she’s the only supported pregnancy. Now, if you’ll remember, Kim hired Offred a surrogate to carry her third child. So obviously, Kim has been living her best life preparing for the baby’s arrival by displaying her semi-nude body every chance she gets. Meanwhile, her surrogate is confined to the cellar of Kris’s Calabasas mansion residing off Kombucha and prenatal vitamins, listening to Kanye’s newest album on loop, and reading aloud the contents of to her stomach at bedtime (I assume). Kim and Kanye will most definitely name their child something such as Savior or Second (as from the next coming) since, allow’therefore face it, they think all of their children are the next coming of Jesus Christ although the only reason Kim isn’t still cleaning out Paris Hilton’s closet is since Kris knew the appropriate people to pimp her out daughter’s sex tape to. Without the pain of childbirth to humble her or the pregnancy weight, when naming this child, Kim will throw subtlety to the end and go all out.  


GIRL: Gratitude
BOY: Miraculous

Khloé has allegedly been looking for a baby for longer than I’ve been (legally) allowed to drink. If she’d impregnate herself with a used condom 2.5 seconds after Tristan Thompson left her flat by a miracle she’s pregnant, then Mazel Tov, I could’t think of a more deserving person for this to occur to. I hope that the baby is going to be as barbarous as she’s. Nevertheless, Khloé will choose a title that reflects how thankful she is for her child. Something that states “I’ve been poking holes in condoms praying for this moment for years. ” 


GIRL: Courtney
BOY: Younes

Kourtney’s tough to predict for a lot of reasons. On the 1 hand, she named her two children, Mason and Penelope, comparatively normal names. I’m guessing she let Scott title Reign until she realized that he was on a bender when she went in to labor. That’s the only explanation for that name. But rsquo & Kourtney;s bizarre AF. I wouldn’t put it past her to mention her fourth born after her favorite brand of deodorant. Nevertheless, if it’s a boy I think Kourtney will name him after the father, aka hot version Younes Bendjima, as just one last fuck you to Scott. If the infant’s a girl, I think she’ll name it after herself since she DGAF and understands that she is a queen among peasants and will be her child. She’ll spell it with a “C”,   however, to allow it to be different and also as one last fuck you to Kris Jenner.


GIRL: Dolce
BOY: Dolce

She & rsquo; s not dumb though it was just made by Kylie out of teen mom territory. In 20 years old, she’s built of pretending that any sort of cosmetics product gave her that face off herself a business. And we’re all falling one seasonal lip kit at a time, for it. *internally yells* Recently, however, Kylie’s needed to contend with the likes of Rihanna, who actually sells quality cosmetics, so I’m convinced Kylie will utilize this baby as some sort of PR stunt because of her beauty kingdom. She’ll name her child something such as Dolce–a name she found on Tumblr, along with her fashion inspiration, and which was among her bestselling lip kits. She’ll come out with a new lip kit based on the child’s eye color or the color of its very first shit and call it “Dolce Like The Ocean” which will make no fucking sense, however you’ll buy it anyhow since it sold out in the first five seconds so that must mean something, RIGHT?! S gender, the title will remain the same: Dolce. She & rsquo; s hoping for a girl, but will keep the title because she’ll be in denial, if it is a boy.

K, if you need me I’ll be here, constantly refreshing every entertainment website in order to find out if we could go one fucking week with no Kardashian pregnancy. I do not have high hopes that Kris or MJ won’t come out fortunate. If anybody can defy science, it is this fucking family.    

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