Frenchfrycoin, LaCroix’n, and all the other food-based cryptocurrencies that should absolutely exist

Yes, Bananacoin is a true cryptocurrency. Yes, it is linked to the real export price of bananas. And people are already making “banana stand” jokes relating to it.

But bananas are a pretty dull food. As somebody who knows little to nothing about cryptocurrency, I believe we could be getting more fun with the treats to which we’re pegging our currency.

Please do not send me some feedback.

1. Avocadocoin

Picture: LightRocket via Getty Images

The avocadocoin varies based on the way the ripe the avocado on your desk drawer is. For the 1-2 hours during which your avocado is totally ripe, every avocadocoin will be worth $1 million USD.     At all other times, it will be worth $2.50.  

Believe this sounds unfair? Try waiting to get an avocado to get ripe.

2. Tostitos®HintOfLimecoin

Picture: Amazon

This altcoin is pegged to just how many bags of Tostitos® Tip of Lime tortilla chips (a very nice, tangy chip) are available at your local grocery store.  

Contrary to bananacoin, though (which counts bananas always becoming in demand), it is not intended to market certainty among shareholders. Rather, it is intended to encourage grocery stores to stock more bags of Tostitos Hint of Lime tortilla chips, which can be so great and are barely ever in the convenience store in my flat.  

Someone please do this for me!

3. LaCroix’n

Picture: Amazon

This cryptocurrency becomes more powerful every time somebody drinks an ice cold can of LaCroix. But it drops every time some poor soul drinks that a warm can or a can of Coconut LaCroix at any temperatures.

This one’s quite volatile, also, based on how much you anticipate Generation Y. It’ll crash whenever millennials decide to kill it.

4. Frenchfrycoin

Picture: Mario Tama/Getty Pictures

This cryptocurrency is totally unpredictable, fluctuating according to the caliber of every skillet consumed on Earth. Because french fries are very good or really poor, but are being eaten nearly constantly, you will literally never understand just how much it is worth. Here is the unique fun of Frenchfrycoin!

5. Chocolatecoin

Picture: Ute Grabowsky/Photothek via Getty Images

This isn’t a cryptocurrency, really; it is only a coin made out of chocolate. Does not that seem amazing? Like, a coin created completely from cocoa and wrapped in foil. You can keep one in your purse for months.

Hm… I’m receiving word that these already exist. I’d like to announce I will be exiting the area of crypto and investing only in chocolate instead. Thanks!

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