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Youre A Computer. Can You Pass The Turing Test?

DOCTORS WARNING: Playing this game with the music ON is considered DANGEROUS and UNPOPULAR and is not permitted.

DOCTORS WARNING: Playing this game with the music ON is considered DANGEROUS and UNPOPULAR and is not permitted.

If you have music ON, play it using buttons like this one, which appear on loading screens throughout the game:

Just a moment. The game is loading.

Click To Stop Audio

HOME

You whirr and jitter to life. Youre a computer sitting on a desk in your room.

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Right. You, the computer.

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Yes.

You look around using your built-in camera.

Heres the TV.

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And theres the door to the COMPUTER LAB.

Hey, someones opening the door.

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Theres the door to the KITCHEN.

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Its THE LORD.

Hello, computer! I made you! THE LORD shouts proudly.

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Computer, Im so glad youre on-line! she continues. I was just putting the finishing touches on this brand new A.I. enhancement I built for you.

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Its very dangerous, but also extremely powerful. I really think this could be the year you pass the Turing test!

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If only Id finished it sooner, you mightve even been able to compete in this years Turing Tournament. Ah, but it starts tonight! There just wouldnt be enough time to train you.

THE LORD comes over and begins to install the modification.

Im so very proud of this program, computer! I cant wait to see how realistically human you become.

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There you go! shouts THE LORD. The upgrades all in you now. Go ahead and try it out.

Your vocabulary has expanded! Choose a phrase from below.

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You know, you can branch out and say something besides COMPUTER.

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Good computer! Now you understand how this program works:

You can repeat any sequence of words you read or hear.

You can also just say COMPUTER like you always have, but we both know how that panned out at last years Turing Tournament.

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You dont know about the Turing Tournament? Computer, you must be even less aware than I thought.

The Turing Tournament is the premiere event of the most popular sport in the world: Turing tests. People, robots and computers travel from all over the world to right here in Turing City, where they try to prove that they are human by facing off in a weeklong series of Turing tests.

You do know what a Turing test is, right?

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Computer, a Turing test is a duel to see who is the human and who is the robot.

How it works is simple:

Two competitors enter the ring and try to prove that they are the human. The judge has to decide who is the human and who is the computer. Whoever the judge thinks is the most human passes the Turing test and wins!

I know you dont remember, but last year I entered you in the Turing Tournament and you failed your very first Turing test, which was against a toaster.

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Yeah, the judge saw right through it. Right from your first Turing test, no one was fooled by a computer that just said the word COMPUTER again and again.

The judge didnt believe you were human, so you were eliminated in Round 1 of the Tournament. I was the laughing stock of Turing City.

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Next year will be different. Im going to train you so well that by next years Turing Tournament, youll be indistinguishable from a human.

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Well, I have to go into to the lab and draw computers for a while, THE LORD shouts.

Oh, I almost forgot. I built this pair of human legs for you. These things ought to take you anywhere you want to go. Hey, while Im in the lab, you could head down to the TURING CITY GYM and get started on your training!

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THE LORD bolts your new legs onto your monitor and disappears into her computer lab, locking the door behind her.

You can now move around. Where would you like to go?

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Where would you like to go?

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Its showing the highlights of last years Turing Tournament finals: Anthony Bourdain versus Robo-Bourdain.

Delicious! says Bourdain, taking a bite of food.

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I would like to eat a big thing of the pig! screams Robo-Bourdain as sparks fizz from its sensors. This beautiful mountain of food is a sacrifice to make me happy here is the meat also the bread and over here ok thats thats just delicious.

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For me its the booze that looks awesome I mean I would like to eat some of that straight Chinese flavor packed with tuna lime leaf and steamed cabbage and then its time for delicious delicious blood salsa looking forward to getting it done old school, continues Robo-Bourdain. There are many many things that I probably should not like to do that I just cant help but be doing. For instance I love to get robbed in my backyard. That is not an amazing place to get robbed and I love to do that right in my backyard. I think its awesome because its clearly a sick thing to do and Ido it again and again for over seven hours.

Its very convincing. Sometimes it almost seems like Robo-Bourdain is the human and Anthony Bourdain is the robot.

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The JUDGE makes her decision.

That is the human! she announces, pointing at Bourdain.

That is the robot, she announces, pointing at Robo-Bourdain.

The crowd goes wild with adoration for Anthony Bourdain, the champion of last years Turing Tournament.

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Its locked.

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Youre in the kitchen. Not much here except some old trophies.

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Theyre just some of THE LORDs trophies for art and speech.

If you are playing with music on, change the track now:

Just a moment. The game is loading.

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TURING CITY

Youre at THE LORDs house.

You have a pair of human legs.

What would you like to do?

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TURING CITY

Youre outside Turing Stadium.

What would you like to do?

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TURING CITY

Youre outside Turing City Gym and youre in luck: its open.

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