When my friends and I discuss bad dating experiences, or when we encounter old relationships which didn’t work out, it’s easy for us to become gloomy and believe “what the hell’s stage? ”
A good deal of this time, in regards to relationships and dating, I feel like the protagonist in some kind of rom-com, only one where we’re still 90 minutes to the feature and my love curiosity still hasn’t arrived yet. When you’re drawn to someone and actually wish to be together, it’s simple to leave your interactions in a cinematic way, to imagine that life will take exactly the same, familiar narrative course that movies have conditioned us to expect. Stage one is the awkward-but-cute meeting, phase two the flirtatious wooing, phase three the triumph of this date, and so on and on till the wedding reception, home in the nation, and half a dozen children. It’s ridiculous and unrealistic. For all our pining, angst and sexual frustration, relationships simply don’t work like that. However why is it that I feel as though we’re all brought up to purchase this obsessional pursuit, this constant fixation of being fulfilled by other individuals? If you would like to insult someone today, the laziest way of doing this is to assault the simple fact that they don’t have a partner. Rather than a personal choice, being unmarried is often treated just like suffering from some kind of unspecified and mortifying disorder, one which has to be remedied as soon as possible. A good deal of individuals assert that human beings are actually born polyamorous, and expostulate the concept that having one partner for life is that the normal order of things is a lie — a social construct that’s holding us all back. But perhaps we ought to take that idea one step farther. Perhaps the truth is actually that the entire idea of love and romance is a complete hoax, which people are really nonamorous from the beginning. What exactly does societyrsquo;s obsession with love stem from, and how can it be overcome? It’s my opinion that, culturally, we’re all told from a young age that love is an accomplishment, a target to be won, rather than a lucky accident of circumstances. Whether it’s explicit or subliminal, we’re all constantly getting the message that love is something aspirational. It’s just like connections are another ubiquitous, bragging-rights product which’s dropped off an assembly-line, like a new vehicle or a tv. When we aren’t lucky enough to have bought to the message that is overburdened, then we’re swiftly informed we’re “missing out” should we’re single. The implication is that everybody else around us has has got it right, they possess some sort of ineffable quality which makes them more deserving of a connection. This inevitably contributes to introspection, self-criticism, and neuroticism. Provided that you’ll be begging somebody to correct you, to cure you of your singleness, and its usually right about then somebody handsome in an ad will appear and attempt convince you to buy something. Perhaps theyrsquo;re selling a new diet plan, or a haircut, or designer clothing. Perhaps it’s a brassy rolex or a better job, larger home and five methods to get trimmer thighs. You see where this is leading? Additionally, but societal media also plays a part in imbuing us with all the obsession with finding “just one. ” In the digital age, we’re constantly plugged into each little thing that happens to everybody else. When we’ve got a crush, we could see them at any time we want, and you don’t have to be a stalker to feel as though Facebook is designed to maintain the object of your desire under close surveillance. Second, social media is also still another way for us to compare ourselves to others. If you scroll down you newsfeed and all you can see is couples, couples, couples: those men and women who appear to have bought to the aspirational lifestyle and succeeded, then clearly it’will bring you down. So just what is the best solution to this social obsession, and also the inevitable malaise that comes when we don’t attain validation? My best advice would be simply to accept that nobody out there owes us anything, we don’t possess an inherent right to a connection, and that no quantity of self improvement will persuade somebody to be with us whenever they didn’t want to in the first place. Sure, most of us get lonely sometimes, and it’s only natural to crave attention and closeness. But it’s helpful to recognise where these feelings come from and acknowledge when they’re getting harmful. Learn to love yourself and spend time on your own company, and don’t assume that love is the reply to all of your problems.