An online survey found while most people like a well-read date, women are more attracted to bookish men than vice versa. Have you ever fallen in love or rebuffed person based on their learn list? Share it in the comments below
I formerly went on a date with a male who, instead of writing a full online dating profile, rostered his four favourite books. When requested, he said it seemed simpler than writing a lengthy bio.
It was and it wasnt: the titles hed included offered a tantalising peek into his personality. While I didnt be brought to an end detecting whether he was as intriguing as the selection, it was a good place to start the conversation.
Im not the only one scrutinising the books included in a dating profile. Reading itself is an attractive diversion, according to experiment released after online dating website eHarmony. Nonetheless, while well-read men received almost 20% more contents than their peers, women who rostered reading as a hobby received 7% less. So much for all those men who are into sapiosexuals.
Whether it be online or in speech, the books we choose to identify ourselves with say spate about us. Its shorthand for what we want to signal about our interests, intellect and high levels of involvement with “the worlds”.
What then does it say that, according to eHarmony, some of the most attractive books a male can read are Walter Isaacsons biography of Steve Jobs, and George Orwells 1984; but the unattractive titles are the Harry Potter series and second world war fictions?
Conversely the Harry Potter books are precisely those men find most attractive on a female learn list, along with The Hunger Games series, Jane Austens Pride and Prejudice and Stieg Larssons The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Despite the facts of the case they were world bestsellers about luurve in all its lurid sorts, the Twilight series and Fifty Shades of Grey is a no-go for most men.
While theres a consensus that rostering cookbooks or The Bible is a turn-off, theres an surprising quantity of bonding going on over Anthony Kiedis autobiography Scar Tissue and the Game of Thrones series.
Unsurprisingly, volume rosters are a good indicator of conformity for Guardian staffers, whether it be forewarned by way of The Fountainhead or clicking over Harry Potter. And so we ask you to share your thoughts below what books do you find attractive in a potential spouse? And why?
I f I verified The Fountainhead, I led a mile
Call me negative but when I was online dating I mainly used the books list as a tell rather than an attractivenes. I enjoy a well-read male, and there are infinite wonderful books in “the worlds” that could attract me to someone if are available on a dating website( Id have fallen over backwards for a male who rostered Elena Ferrantes Neapolitan serial, for example ).
But there was one common well-loved volume among men that if I verified, I led a mile: The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. I have since detected it is one of Donald Trumps favourite books, one of the few employments of fiction hes ever read. Its nice to be right.
I steer clear of men who revere books in which women are merely ever bit-parts
I am deeply suspicious of men who profess a profound enjoy for Bret Easton Ellis, Christopher Hitchens, Hunter S Thompson, any Beat poet but specially Kerouac, and to a lesser extent Hemingway.
Speaking as someone who finishes about four books a year, its not information requirements that the two partners are well-read. It is that they are properly, profoundly feminist not card-carrying ones whove became aware that claiming affiliation is a prerequisite to gaining access.
Its a delicate equilibrium to strike. In my own experience of online dating, men who semaphore-signal their feminist credentials with an extensive learn list as soon as theres the opportunity are to be avoided as much as those who freely wear their misogyny.
My strategy is to steer clear of men who revere books in which women are merely ever bit-parts or accessories and ever lesser . Reading books by women is a degree in their preference; youd be surprised by how many men dont.
I escape women who hang out in the self-help area
Books have played a trifling role in my search for love, surely beside bonding minutes over music and karaoke specifically.
My true love told me simply the coming week she has no time to read books, and who am I to argue? But as the son of a bookseller, I was created to avoid women who hang out in the self-help area. And yes, that includes Paulo Coelho.
I bought all his favourite books and read them
Years ago I had a Titanic-sized vanquish on a male I worked with and looked up his MySpace. I had not read any of the favourite books he rostered so I bought them all and read them. One of them, Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer, remains a favourite of excavation today. When I eventually got my crush into my bedroom he noticed two of the books on my shelf, noting how much he liked them. Me too! I responded, perhaps a little too enthusiastically.
Reader, I successfully tricked him into enjoying me and now we are married.
Harry Potter is an excellent litmus test
Im a Ravenclaw because the Pottermore quiz is somewhat easy-going to manipulate, although tricking an online quiz into sorting me into the smart house likely constructs me more Slytherin. I feel Id like to date a Slytherin but usually end up with Hufflepuffs, which ends poorly for all involved.
Following? Good. If youre not, we likely shouldnt date. My personality is 90% pop culture references and about 35% of that is Harry Potter. As Rob Fleming mentions in High Fidelity( 10%, both volume and movie ), what really matters is what you like , not what you are like. As a rule I dont magistrate people who havent watched or read my core texts, but it does shape me harder to understand.
The exception to the no-judgement rule is Harry Potter. Not because its so central to my identity( though it is ), but because its an excellent litmus test. The Venn diagram of people who are proud they havent read Harry Potter , not just couldnt be riled with it but actively were of the view that shunning a volume written for children constructs them intellectually superior, and people who are insufferable wankers is a clique.
She had a book on Russian political assassinations on her shelf
Finding something surprising has always piqued my interest. With my partner I found a volume she had on Russian political assassinations and fake fear campaigns. When I eventually borrowed it, Blowing Up Russia: The Secret Plot to Bring Back KGB Terrorwas an interesting read.
I was struck by his involvement with little-known Australian poet Lesbia Harford
My partner piqued my interest with his literary proclivities months before Id even fulfilled him but with his writing , not his learn. When we eventually started considering each other, we naturally talked a great deal about books, and I remember being struck by his deep involvement in the activities of little-known and under-appreciated 20 th century Australian poet, Lesbia Harford.
But what sealed the deal was when, on a weekend away early in our relations, I watched him peruse a bookshelf ladened with various macho literary heavyweights, and eagerly pick up the Georgette Heyer novel instead.
He was teaching himself English via Chaucers The Canterbury Tales
Years ago while backpacking I met an Israeli whose English was rudimentary. But he was determined to improve, and was teaching himself English via a volume hed picked up at a hostel Chaucers The Canterbury Tales. Consequently, his speech was speckled with bawdy 14 th century turns of word, which shaped him sound like a Middle Eastern-accented Middle English poet. It surely won me over.
I was savagely rebuffed for failing to read War and Peace
I was once savagely rebuffed on a Tinder date for failing to read War and Peace. Ill never forget the gaze of dislike and letdown when I confessed that Tolstoy was just not really my thing. My date bristled and, a short time later, excused herself. She needed to meet a friend for dinner. Funnily enough we had just eaten. There was no second date.
So I try not to be too judgmental about what others read.
But I do enjoy science fiction and fiction. And if Im on a date, and Neil Gaiman or Ray Bradbury come up, then Im sure well have enough to talk about for a few more drinks.
But its better not to be too snobby about it. Its a strange thing that we place so much romantic stock in the shared enjoy of a diversion that are actually such a solitary activity. And I truly dont want to read War and Peace.
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