Being An Anxious Mess Is Actually Healthy & Here’s How

If you’re not a total airhead, you likely experience a nice quantity of stress on a daily basis. Maybe your boss is giving you a hard time about leaving at 3pm once you have a 6pm Bumble date (these pre-date shots aren’t likely to take themselves), or maybe you’re merely shaken by Dean’s ice-cold remedy of Kristina on . In any event, while I fully endorse your right to choose a Xanax and a sick day in these types of scenarios, I’m here science is here to inform you that these anxious feelings are actually essentially a superpower.

That’s right: a recent research published in shows that “being high in neuroticism” helps you live longer–or, to put it in their creepy science terms, provides you “a decrease likelihood of premature departure. ”

And to provide even more great news, the way that they examined for neuroticism in this research was by seeing how people responded to statements such as “I get irritated easily,” “I fear about things,” and “I get stressed out easily. ” So, you don’t just need to be Larry David to qualify here–and if none of these made you say “yes” out loud at your desk, then go out and get a fucking character. Enjoy your death, I guess.

In another humorous turn of events, the investigators who first got these outcomes were similar to “shit, we have to have done something incorrect,” since people have spent years telling you that things such as “optimistic thinking” and “running outside” will be the keys to long life, and also that your healthy skepticism toward new folks and the outside the “psychological distress” caused by neuroticism is somehow harmful. So, these investigators rolled up their sleeves (laboratory coats have sleeves right? I wouldn’t know) and decided “Alright, let’s see if all the neurotic people we analyzed are also narcs don’t smoke or drink and that’s the reason why they live longer. ”

Guess what? The men and women who possessed this tendency for immortality (you know what I mean) also were “less likely to consume enough fruits and vegetables or exercise, and more likely to smoke and drink alcohol either daily or nearly daily. ” In other words, should you’re not heavily discerning with this trait yet, then I’m glad you won’t be living so long I’m really not sure what you’re doing on this website. And next time that your peppy co-worker attempts to sign up you for a half-marathon, you can don’t hesitate to tell her to fuck right off–you’re just adding five years to your life.

To sum up, put down your sad little salad, pour yourself a beverage, and write your psychologist a refill ask thank-you note for diagnosing your own anxiety. If you want me, I’ll be designing my “Not Neurotic, Merely Immortal” Betches tank.

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